heartbroken, or so?

well, its basically over.it started 120208.it ends, well m not sure exactly when.but well, let me tell u the story.

um.um.

well, i did have a great time with him.yeah.despite all the bad things ive done.haiyo.but seriously, i think i will not work out.this relationship will not work out.yeahh.but seriously, kesian dy gile beng.well, i did love. him.i did! but, there is definitely something wrong.i asked my friends bout him, they say that , he is maybe a bad boy, but when it comes to me, when it comes to a serious relationship like me, he can behave.well, i dunno.but, wtv pon.ive made my decision.last nyte phone call, was horrible.im outta creds.um.jap.cm serabut je.lets start from the start, shall we?

120208 can we go further?

that text really makes me wonder.tapi seriously, blank lahh.and lyk, then, couple.hurm.

the months ahead was a bit difficult, but we survived.he came, and i went out.bodoh betul aku.wtv i did, its in my head now.urgh.mls nak ckp dah.then theres klcc, wall-e.urm.he is my personal shopper, at that time.my heels that m wearing during raya and also my birthday.everlast tshirt.then, his sweater.i survied by calling him kat phone booth, durh i didnt bring my phone kann.and there were several fights, duhh, masing2 cm emo kot.tah.break kjap for 3 days.macam mati i cried at that tym.i cant imagine, me, crying head over heels over that guy?hurm.ntah laa.after what happend, my mum persuaded me to leave him.at that time, i am determined to leave him.tp sayang lah kut.tah.then, this hols, at rooftop careefour.well, cm biase lahh.but, he fucking smokes.cm ape je.bengang nak mati kot.i did a lot of thinking.a-lot! yeah, what my mum sayd, what my friends sayd.but nana, she just didint say anything.its all up to me.

well, tym cuti dah start hambar kut, ngan me yg tade creds, nk harap org share je, memang tak ah!seriously, tade duet lah.hurm.then, he sent me a text.

'my only queen.
no matter how often u hurt me and make me cry
my love on you will never change
but if you leave me
i will surely die
i love you'

damn im guilty!but, i know, this wont work out.im sick of lying to my mum evrytime she asked, are you still with that guy.so i better make it real this time.its over, for real.

051208
i composed a draft text message to break up with him.when i think i was ready, i pressed the button, 'send'.it shows there few seonds after that, 'delivered'. immediately, i started to cry.goshh.layan lah.sedih kut.ngan ipod pasang lagu jiwang lagi.ceyh, tadelaaa.there was nobody there to stop those tears.then, he didnt reply.wtv.i moved on.

last nyt.that tym, i just hang up on am, then his text came.

can i ask u something?

i started shaking.my hands getting cold.damn lah.hurm.so i just typed a reply 'sure'

new text.r u serious bout that?

um.yeah.hm.i replied.

why?he asked.

i ve got my own reasons.u dont nid to know.i said

u seem so happy bout this.why nique?

did i say im happy?tak kan.dah.

he said.u nvr loved me ryte?

'i did.i did loved you.okay?but somthing's not right with US.its over.im sorry.my last cred for you.bye.'


i thot its over,but he kept on calling and begging me to pick up.i hesitated but picked up anyway.this first convo was short and painful.i just hang up on him.the 2nd one was longer, and knowledgeable.i did what i had to do.and my final answer to his question was yes.



9 long months.wow, i never thot that i cud last that long.well, im proud of it, but why live in lies?but seriously, this relationship had thought me evrything that i can know.its gone.just like that.im sad.yeah.and its all my fault.i dunno.i dunno.i dunno.for sure.but, ive got my mind settled on somthhing else kot.SPM.hahahaha.i dunno.lets just pray for the best, shall we?and i just hope my next one will be longer, and forever.just like everybody will dream of(:

and now im single.(:



oh but, nobody knows.


. Q